(If you missed Part 1- Our Love Story. or Part 2- Our Love Story check it out here!)
In 2011 I moved 4 states away from my family to work as a nanny for some relatives. I continued to write Ash unsent letters until a few months after I moved. That is when Ash got released from prison on parole for good behavior.
I was in contact with his family so I knew the day that he was supposed be released. I had so many emotions. I was excited for him and his family but I didn’t know how I played into this story. I just held back and decided that if Ash wasn’t scared off by my dad that he would contact me and if not, well it was not meant to be.
3 days after he was released, he sent me a text. He wanted to pick up from where we left off and he asked me if I was interested in more than a friendship, I said yes but I still really wanted, if all possible, for my dad to be on board. So, it was decided that we would both meet at my parent’s farm in one month for an official meeting with my parents and Ash was going to ask my dad for permission to continue this relationship with the goal of marriage.
Ash and I had still only met once, two years before. We had just gotten to know each other over text basically, and trust me, we talked about everything. He asked me hard life questions and what my goals were and what kind of family I wanted and if homeschooling was important to me. I in turn asked him a bunch of questions too. There was obviously flirting going on in our text but we both definitely wanted a solid relationship and these were key points to our future so we left nothing out for discussion.
The day came for us to meet with my dad. By this time my dad was pretty unhappy with Ash for having stopped their letter writing. The day before our meeting my dad spent most of the day in his room writing in preparation for this meeting. I was scared. Dad actually told me he did not want me at this meeting. I worried dad was planning to turn Ash down. I was not about to sit by and let dad dictate my life so I insisted that I would be there because if Ash and I did continue this relationship it was going to be between US, and we were going to start out as a team. Oh what a hard day that was….
We all met in a tiny cabin on the farm. I was standing there with my parents when Ash drove up. He got out and greeted my parent, He made the mistake of calling my mom by her first name and not MRS. That was a huge insult to my dad and he quickly corrected Ash. Then I gave him a big hug. That hug basically sealed our fate with my parents. They believed in complete hands-off relationships, and when Ash and I gave each other a hug right there in front of them it really made my dad upset.
We went inside and my dad had a list of 90 questions for Ash. They were the most random questions I have ever heard. Then after Ash answered all the questions correctly my dad asked him if he would like to watch a teaching video about the “Bride Price” (a teaching my parents raised me with that tied in with the father picking the husband. Seriously, it talked about how the groom would pay the father of the bride in cattle). I bulked. “No! He doesn’t want to watch it,” I said. My dad looked me in the eyes and said “I wasn’t talking to you.”
I felt so embarrassed. Poor Ash! He wanted to try to make things work with my dad for my sake and now he knew I didn’t want to watch it. He was in a really hard spot, but he went ahead and told my dad he would watch it with him. It was an hour-long teaching. I sat in that metal chair so miserable and getting angrier by the minute. My dad knew full well I didn’t want a relationship like this, he was not even trying to make this work. He wanted to see if he could control Ash. He had always told me I didn’t have a meek and quiet spirit and needed to be more submissive so he was wanting a man that he could control and in turn, would control me.
After the video, my dad asked Ash what he thought about it. “It’s definitely interesting but I don’t think that is the kind of relationship/dating/courtship/ that we are looking for,” Ash said, as he looked at me with a face that I could tell he thought my dad was crazy.
Dad immediately pulled out of his stack of papers a pre-written letter telling Ash why he would never give his permission for our marriage. He read the letter, got up, opened the door and said, “ Come on Susanne, let’s go home”.
I was so angry and so hurt I was frozen to my chair. I just sat there. Again he said, “Let’s GO Susanne.” I couldn’t believe that he had made this big show and interview and already had a per-written letter of rejection. He never ever intended for this to work out. I tried so hard to have him be involved and he just wouldn’t work with me. There was no pleasing him.
I stood up and said “No, I’m staying with Ash”. That next moment, I will never forget. He looked me in the eyes, with so much anger, and turned around and slammed the door.
To me…. he shut the door on my life.
and that is what it felt like for the following two years
I was shaking, I turned around and Ash was standing there, not sure what to do. I was in shock for a few hours, Ash took me to town to get some lunch. I got a call from one of my brothers asking if I would be home for lunch, I kind of laughed at him, and said, “Do you really think we are going to come sit at a table with dad after that?” My brother was worried for me. He didn’t want me to leave again but he understood where I was coming from.
That weekend happened to be another homeschool work day at the original camp where we had met. We had planned to be there so after I was able to compose myself, we headed over there. A lot of my siblings were there too but we just kept quiet and stayed busy on the work projects together. I think we both were still in a little shock of what all happened that morning, but I tried to push it out of my mind and enjoy the weekend that we had together before we both had to go back to our jobs which was 5 states away from each other.
Later that day we were talking and Ash blurted out…. “so, when do you want to get married? Is this fall too early?”
TO BE CONTINUED….
